Some new stuff!

Hello my dear followers! CHRISTMAS IS COMING! Just felt a need to put that out there... :D
I am sorry for neglecting my duty to write here, but my life has been a little bit of everywhere. On the very upside, I have passed my GED and am officially OUT of highschool! Hurray! I start college this coming July and shall graduate a LPN by June of 2013. Woot-Woot!
Also, always remember to tell the mountain how big your God is, because OH MY is he enormous. Even my being homeschooled doesn't stop him from loving me. :) He allowed me to go to my first, and only (for now), highschool dance. I went to homecoming with a wonderful guy who happens to be my best friend. I had an amazing time and it is definitely in the top ten best nights of my entire life.
I love God! :D There are a bunch of other great things happening, but I am not quite at liberty to discuss them as they haven't all happened yet. Just keeping praying that God gives victory as he has made us more than conquerors!!!
You hear that Satan?! I am VICTORIOUS SO IN YOUR FACE!
I realize that was a little immature, but there are many worse things I am sure I would love to say to him. My God is so much bigger than that evil, puny butt head.
I do pray for him though... I hope that he repents and that he will experience the amazing love of God again. I can't imagine what kind of hole he has in his heart. Even evil hurts. That doesn't make it an excuse.
I have found that I have a lot of friendships that I haven't kept up with and they haven't kept up with me. I am still pondering as to if I should pursue these or if God is about to cause a HUGE whole new season in my life to ensue? "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...." :)
I love you my Jesus!
We are trying out a new church right now and supporting Julia in her beautiful singing endeavours. She is a part of a beautiful, precious choir and I am so very proud of her.
I hope to be trying out for a Christmas musical, with her, on November 13th. Please be praying that we both achieve parts! :D (If God wills of course!!!)
Never cease in praying!
And remember to set your clocks back tonight!!
Sweet sleep my brothers and sisters :)
Hugs from my computer to yours!
Keep all of our underground church members and persecuted brothers and sisters in prayer!


  

Praise God!

My God is greater!
My God is stronger!
My God is higher then ANY other!
My God is healer!
Awesome in power!
My God!!

Praise you for providing!!
Praise you for caring for my family and friends!
Praise you for inspiring!
Praise you for being my God!
Praise you for loving us!
For loving me!
Oh, my God I praise you!!!

What are you driven by?

Some people are driven by guilt.
They are restlessly wandering the earth without a purpose.
Our past makes us who we are, but we don't have to be its captive.

"What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven!...
What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record!" Psalms 32:1 and 5

Some people are driven by resentment and anger.
They fuel each other.
There poisonous thoughts are repeated over and over,
like practicing lines for a play.
They either become clams or bombs.
You will hurt, they live free.
Your past is past! It cannot change!
Your "enemy" will continue to kill you as long as YOU allow them to keep hitting you and keep your defending arms down.

"To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do." Job 5:2

After all, God never resented us.
We killed is only child.

Some people are driven by fear.
It drives them right past opportunity.
You hold the keys to the prison you built for yourself.
It keeps you from being who God wants you to be.
Your keys are faith and love.
Unlock your cage.

"Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life- fear of death, fear of judgement- is one not yet fully formed in love" 1 John 4:18

Some people are driven by materialism.
To have, have, have becomes the goal.
Constantly further away.
Things do not change,
so we always want them bigger and better.
Self-worth and net-worth are not the same thing.
Money doesn't equal security.
Real security can be found in the never-changing.
The one thing that is already the biggest and the best.
Your relationship with God.

"And he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure." Isaiah 33:6    

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21   

Some people are driven by a need for approval.
Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.
People don't watch every word that exits there mouth.
You will get broken easily.
Controlled by opinions like the controller to a video game.
The key that won't fit to unlock,
is the one that tries to please every man.
When every man is different,
some good, some bad.
One slip of someones tongue and your heart is crushed.
A misread look changes your mind.
Constantly on the scale of am I good enough?
When your worth is written in the Bible.
He created you.
He cared for you before your birth.
Because you weren't worth it?
I don't think so.
Find your purpose in God.

"Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." Matthew 6:24a

Will it be man or God?

A life can be driven, but without the right driver, knowing the destination, you will be lost and get no where.
If guilt drives your car, you will be constantly in reverse.
Never going forward.
Turning down road after road,
never really reading the signs.

If anger is your driving force, your house and car will just burst into flames.
From the gasoline you yourself poured and lit.
You will be stuck.
With no where to go and no one left to hurt,
except for yourself.
 
If fear drives your car of life, you will never leave the driveway or enter the home.
Just sit in darkness with the doors locked.

If materialism drives you around,
you will never get anywhere
because you will be constantly searching for the best place to go.
You might not ever get to be driven.
You are too busy constantly replacing your car.
Never getting a chance to enjoy what you already own.

If you are driven by the want for approval,
it is like having a car without gas in your tank.
You need someone to tell you where to go.
Without their approval you can't leave.
They will end up laughing at you anyways,
because you never go anywhere.
So indecisive,
so influenced.
You would change the paint color on your car if I hated it.
Do you even know what your favorite color is?
Find your worth in God.

Be Spirit driven.
Let God take the wheel.
He will guide you to Heaven.
He will show you what's real.
He will give you a purpose and guide you with His plan.
He created you and loves you.
Trust him, who better could understand, when He created man?
I promise it is true.
You are worth more then silver and gold.
He is your courage and you are a mighty, conqueror.
He will be what you need, and will heal you, whether young or old.
Never do you have to live in prisoning horror.
Your future will become your present and present becomes your past.
Don't let guilt, fear, anger, stuff, or people, only God's purpose for you last.

(These are my reflections for Chapter 3 of "The Purpose Driven Life")

He will be who we need when we need it

"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you." ~God

For you Christians that question God's existence,
that start to question your faith,
that ask, "what makes God worthy of me?"
go look at a tree.

When He made you didn't that make Him worthy?!
Can you put a tree into a seed?

Did you design the pattern and place every leaf on every branch on that tree?

No.
As soon as you can man make a tree, you can question my God.

Love

Love is both a thing and a feeling.
As wonderful as the feeling of love is,
it truly can be most unfortunate.

Words of Wisdom

It really is true, if you can't laugh at yourself, you will spend your entire life trying to avoid being laughed at.

Never tell anyone but God who captures your attention.

Save as much of you for your wedding day as possible. I promise it is the most magical thing in the world.

If you know you are prone to depression, try your hardest to stay in reality.

NEVER let your parents, a dictionary, or the past define who you are. Look in the Bible.

Don't speak things over yourself. Only let words of life flow forth.

When you feel bad, sing and dance.

Pray at all times and stay hopeful.

Notice the colors and little blessings in life.

Always say "I'm sorry" and Thank you".

Everyone has walked a different path, so every person has wisdom to share.

Finally for now, people can only know God's character by watching you. So, be a real christian.

The Wedding Poem (dedicated to my Uncle Trent and Aunt Cynthia)

The sparks hit the wall put up by waiting until it finally comes down.

The words "I do" open the window they've been looking through.

They could smile, say I love you, and then for God they had to wait.

Now comes the sacred touch, the binding of the first kiss, all spirits are elated.

There is a priceless beauty in queit patience.

Each has fought with gripping struggle and valor to stay pure.

Simply being together causes feelings in their hearts to stir.

Her body caressed in white, his in dark night,

they no longer have the oceans of passion to fight.

Across the window they gaze into the jewels of the others eyes.

Never hiding, no false disguise.

As the window opens the wind of a freeing love rushes through.

Knowing they will be miraculously united after they say "I do".

Connection of hearts, lips, and spirits are in front of God for the first time today.

Bless them, my God, hold their fragile hearts, give them courage to face the coming rains.

A husband, wife, aunt, and uncle are born this way.

Say I do, kiss the bride, and then sweep her heart away.

God's grace engulfs their souls with love for the other.

He will hold their hands and walk them through a life full of happily-ever-afters.

Beauty from the Beast (Part 3)

You saw me there, lying on the bathroom floor.

You saw me there wishing for life no more.
When all I thought I wanted was their death,
I really wanted their love.

They neither died nor loved me.

You picked me up gently in your comforting arms.
You acted like a plant, taking my carbon dioxide to give me life sustaining oxygen.
You held my heart and inhaled my anger.
You exhaled your grace,
just breathing on me.

You took away my vengeance
and gave me hope.

You loved me.

You gave me the antidote for the poison that no doctor could cure.
One touch of your robe and my disease was healed.
I was healed.

I surrendered my heart,
but only by You.

You now hold it,
you hold both them and me.

I have nothing to hate,
nothing to have bitterness,
and only wish to live.

Shine Your beauty through my beast.

The Reality of the Monster (Part 2)

Weeds grew in my garden,
chains around my scales.
The rope around my neck got tighter as I yelled.

The hate as black as the night
filled ever vein in my being,
just as poison does.

Bitterness made me ugly.
The boils on my skin,
sprouting from the disease within.

Then I gave up.
I was so angry at you,
hated you so much.

I laughed when you were down.
When they were killing you,
torturing you,
I smiled.

But you never knew.

That you poured the poison in my glass
and freely gave me your disease.

But I am hurting instead of you.
So I died. Or thought I had.

Introducing the Monster (Part 1)

I was full of wishes.
I was also full of hate...
Have you ever met a monster?

Have you ever met me?

Bitterness is poison.
Hate is disease.

Together they kill you or turn you into a beast.

I grew scales and had a tongue three feet long.
It was very talented.
I could throw knives and strangle people with it.

Horns sprouted from my head and claws from my fingers.
I didn't need any of this,
I could have sliced you with my glare.

But, honestly,
through my metamorphosis,
I died.

Sampson

Some days I see myself as Sampson.
I am so strong!!
Then I whisper my secrets and my hair is cut.
My strength flows out the tips of my fingers and is gone.
Sometimes my hair takes a few days to grow back, sometimes weeks, sometimes months.
Strength never lasts forever.
But neither does weakness.

Love song to my King

To worship you is to be in love.
To talk with you is to hold a star.
To hear you whisper softly is to dance forever.

In your soft embrace I am calm.
I feel your kisses through the rain.
When my eyes meet yours the blood races up my cheeks.

Unlike most times, I realize my worth in you, and I don't look away.
 I see my reflection in your eyes, you see your own in mine.
To be in your presence is to cradle hope.

As I let you change me,
I want you more and more each day. 
Our time seems so little.
But we shall last forever.

Your arms are always open, always protecting.
As I chatter on, like most women, you just smile and listen,
truly drinking me all in.

I need not talk so much, for you already know my heart.

Constantly, you find beauty in my dust and are enthralled by it.
But surely, I am nothing, especially next to you.

Oh how your heart loves mine.
 How my heart beats rhythmically for you.
Until I feel you closer, then it starts to race.

I am not nervous, or anxious, but always peaceful in your hands.
You are the last smile I see at night.
I hear you singing over me in the mornings.

Thank you for loving me.

You carried me through every dark passage.
Though my feet were scraped and bruised,
you washed them and held me to your chest.

I have never been alone,
because your hand I will always hold.
I never thought I would have a Love of my life,
but you have always been and will forever be mine.

Nothing can part us. Not status, space, or time.
Lead me in a waltz to the rhythm of life's many songs.
For you wrote them all.

How I love you.
I am forever yours.
Love of my life, you will always hold my soul.
King of my heart, you have made me whole.

God

Your arms wrap around me and I am in perfect peace.
When I part my lips let You be the Voice that speaks.
May Your light shine when they look in my eyes.
May it shine the truth on the hidden lies.
Each flower was hand painted by Your hand.
You designed every color.
What if the sky wasn't blue?
You open the curtains of space every day and close them for every night.
Who am I to describe You?
I can't know how amazing and majestic You are.
I try and I can't write it.
To say the mountains reflect your face,
they aren't enough.
To say that looking at a Christian human is to see Your image...
How?
I love you God.

Song to my Prince

I wait. Me knees patiently glued to the carpet.
I pray. My heart constantly calling your name.
I want to tell you I love you.
I want to be yours.
Like Jacob, work for me until I am yours.
Call out to me and I will drop everything and come running.
Through rain, through deserts, through blizzards.
Whatever I must endure as long as I end up in your arms.
I almost say my love for you is unrequited.
I detest that word.
But my love for you will be yours for me.
One day... as soon as you know.
Don't forget me.
Even if you have had many women, like Wise Solomon,
let me be the special One you love.
Be my bridegroom and my beloved.
There will be a Ceremony in Heaven for me.
I will be united someday if you never show,
To the Lover of my very soul.
Please, I ask not that you ride up on a noble steed.
Just that you don't forget me.
I don't ask for a knight in armour,
nor for a rescue.
Just that I could always be with you.
Loving, seeing, watching, all for you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, please, that you would dream of me and stay true.
For God alone knows,
I have fought for you and I.
He knows the love I have in the depths of my soul.
Pouring out like a fountain for you.
Ask Him for my key and unlock my heart.
For I gave it to God to hold and to keep.
If He sees you fit, you will set it free.
Oh, my Prince, please come for me.

The Prayer of Jabez (My 30 day prayer)

"And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying,
"Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
that Your hand would be with me,
and that You keep me from evil,
that I may not cause pain!"
So God granted him what he requested." (1 Chronicles 4:10)

Your reason to Celebrate!!!

Today is an incredibly special holiday. Only the best and brightest see its worth and celebrate! It is a day unlike any before! I just wanted to wish EVERYONE a VERY happy May 11th, 2011!!!!!

I have thought of love

I have thought of love.
A woman of the nuns as you may believe, I am not.
I have not sworn off men.
Some may say heartless being, but I feel mine still beating.

My love has been yours from the beginning.
The tremors in my fingers grow as I write.
What would you say if I told you his woman of courage was scared?
Terrified...

To know that you may not love me.
That I might by left as fool's gold.
My heart not just breaking in two,
for my whole heart will leave me,
belonging to you.

The fear of embrace and of trust in a man.
In my eyes you can see my little faith in no plan.
What if I can't do it?
I get there and fail you?

I have worked to become yours my entire breathing existence.
Did I work hard enough?
Will I be good enough for you?
Ha, to think I have yet to know exactly who you are.

As afraid as I am, I miss you excruciatingly.
Your smile that lights up the day,
your loving words that make the bad fly away with the wind.
Mostly, and often, I long for your eyes.

Those eyes full of wisdom and care.
That reassure and catch me when I fall.
The doors into your soul that completely care for mine.
Why am I scared?

God gave me you before the beginning of time.

I wonder...

I actually wonder about a lot of things, but today I wonder,
Did purple ever wish to be yellow?
Why do people sing other people's songs?
We don't memorize other people's words.

Can God's creation experience jealousy or selfconsieouness?
Do they just accept that God has a unique plan for all of them?
Does the rose and the weed perk up with joy when their fragrence brightens someone's day?
What would the floor say if they could talk about what they've heard?

Do you ever just wonder?
Imagining how things could or would or might be?
Always outside everybody else's box?
Never really fitting in anywhere?

Just wondered....

Sex slave Trafficking

They scream in the dark, but only for a while.
Their human flesh being devoured into zombie death.
Their hair matted and filled with the dust of men.
Their faces... what faces?

Scarred, dirty, broken.
Their bodies have been stolen.
What have they to offer the world now?
Who are they?

Her eyes used to fill with grief and terror.
Now she can't see.
Her hands used to claw and fight.
Now she is dead.

They stole her, every piece of her.
Like a train, everyone got on for a ride.
Pay for a ticket, getting nowhere.
Heartless, soulless, cruelty.

They showed them no mercy.
They felt no remorse.
Their eyes weren't blank like hers.
Black as the hate that filled every crevice of their hearts.

Beaten, spit on, stripped bare of body and soul.
Empty. Scared.
They feel so alone and hopeless.
If only they could find a way to escape, even through death, please see them!

How will they be saved?
Oh Jesus rescue your princesses and princes!!
Must Sodom and Gomorrah rule your world?!
Let not the oppressed perish!

Rescue too their captors, for how else will this world change?
Take the evil away oh God!
Must they weep in suffering?
Must the torture persist?!!

You give and take away.
You always have a plan.
Rescue and make hearts of gold,
from abused children and a very sinful man.

The One I love

You molded the mountains.
Yet your hands are soft enough to mold my heart.
You placed those mountains in my path,
yet you guide my heart over them.

You poured out all of your love on Calvery's tree.
Yet somehow my cup is always overflowing.
You died. You were buried in the earth.
Yet, somehow you lived.

I have felt so alone and left.
Yet you were always with me.
I couldn't go on, not even another step.
So you carried me.

You made something that shines brighter then glitter and placed it in the sky.
Yet you still find me more beautiful.
You made something as mighty as an ocean.
Yet you gave me the power to calm it.

You are my God.
My strength and courage.
You are the love of my life.
I am so in love...

None could care for me more.
No man could so protect my heart.
No man is so enthralled by my beauty as you.
Let me please you my King.

No one is mightier.
No king quite so majestic.
No warrior braver.
No creator more creative than mine.

For I am His beloved,
and He is mine.

Stalker, sickness, thief.... only in my head.

The follower in the night.
You come up from behind me and take me over.
Engulfing my entire body.
You infuse yourself into me.

Like a poison making me feel so sick.
I can't see a doctor for you.
No one must know.
You paralyze my entire being.

You steal what you said you would borrow.
You don't run and I don't send you away.
I am captive to my slave.
My eyes have become closed doors.

You haunt when you could just be.
You hurt when you don't leave.
When you leave you take me along and I get lost.
The only way for you to go is through my rain.

Until then, you have me.
This is no victory for you.
You are you and this isn't evil.
You cause misery and aren't anything miserable.
I am a drought, a desert.
Even though I could rain and bloom.

Oh, my saddness, please go.

Nothing much more then something

I have tried to write.
Why will nothing come?
When I have something to write,
it rides the elevator from my soul to my mind,
then flows down my arms through my fingers into my script.

If I have nothing to write, does this mean my soul is empty?
I'm hurting.
All of me?
If your soul is hurt what does that mean?
I don't understand.
I am worried about you...

And I don't know what to write.

Composed understanding

You made me want to cry.
You didn't hurt me.
You didn't say a word.
You haven't seen me for a long time.
I don't even know if we really know each other.

Yet you made me want to cry.

I felt your pain in something you wrote.
The vocabulary wasn't as strong as you like.
It wasn't abstract or metaphorical.
I didn't have to search for your meaning.
It was just there.

Your pain was vunerable.

What I have felt for months you stored in the composed lines of your poetry.
The hurt that has torn me, in a few simple lines.
How could you have understood?
How much I hurt, missed him, was lost...
You are too, yet we know where each other are.
How could we feel the same thing and not know?

Thank you friend.

I don't know what I can give.
I don't know that I can make it better.
I don't know if this will make your own eyes water.
I don't know.
I don't understand.
But for some reason that's okay.
God knows and can give what I can't.

As always, I'm praying for you.

Change in the Weather

A well full of water.
Each drop evaporated and held in the cloud of my soul.
The unexpected thunder storm pours the rain of tears from the green skies of my eyes.
They fall back into the well as the water cycle begins again.

Suddenly, the temperate drops.
Negative sixty degrees.
Freezing.
Frozen over.
Chill down my spin.
Ice in my stare, trying to melt it with my glare.

Crazy weather.
The summer arrives in March this year.
104 degrees.
Heart is burning.
Boiling over.
Come close, get singed.

Stone.
Heart of stone or breaking glass?
Is there weather for lasting hate?
Even Tornados couldn't devestate the bricks.
Zombie.
Alive?
Yes, breathing still.

Tsunami.
Hurricane.
Earthquake.
Get them back.
Try to regain by stealing.

Melting...
Who can melt stone?
God's hands.
Calmed my storm.
Melted the stone.
Crushed the glass to give me crystal.

Sun comes up.
I see rainbows through the prism of my heart.
I see the devestation of my disasters.
How to fix?
Only God.
Rain drops from green skies.
Oceans dance to the song of remorse.

Erosion of change.
Please grow and forgive me.

Ode to a dear brother

You always have a way to make me smile.

You keep annoying me by comparing school work or endless files.

Like water and oxygen we just mix.

Together there’s nothing we can’t fix.

If I asked you to lift a mountain I’m very sure you could.

Your strength surpasses giants and I’m very sure you would.

You’re like candy oh so sweet.

You’re like a slinky always neat.

Like something shiny you hold my attention.

Those were just some things I thought I’d mention.

Bonjour!

Hello! I am sorry for the lack of posting lately... I have taken up a new hobby! La Francais! It is such a beautiful language, I have always loved it and found it lovely and taught myself little along the way. Now I am singing French, reading it, writing it, studying it, searching it, and just savoring it. Even to say the words just feels like I am speaking a new form of beauty. There aren't sharp turns or corners to this new language. In English our words don't flow, but when you speak french or italian it is like lovely waters pouring from your lips. I hope to learn Italian next and then possible Hebrew. My family is interested already for the most part. I hope to bring them along even further on my own journey because I love them so much. God is always in my heart, leading and guiding, and I thank him so much for the privalige of being able to do this. Both for the voice and the language he so creatively fashioned. I should imagine that more poetry will arise as I continue studying one of the romantic languages. I hope you all have a blessed Saturday and a very happy Easter! Today was good Friday and a day to reflect on the beauty and pain of the cross. I hope God revealed Himself to you in every possible, powerful way. Beaucoup de paix!

This is my post

"Somethings in life are much more beautiful when you don't understand them..." ~Courtney M

April 18th

"There is a thin yet VERY distinct line between arrogance and confidence." ~Courtney M

How I paint

The flow.
Like air, like water.
One arm, two arms.
Twirl, skip, spread.
Flowing like the rythym that slowly wraps around my skin.

Tap, jump, pop, lock, control.
Freedom.
No control, given to the music.
Sway like the trees being played by the air.
The beat grabs a hold and you give way.

No thoughts,
no plans,
just dance.

Like a preprogrammed robot,
but just as real as the preprogrammed rising sun.
Shift like the sand.
Flow. Fly.
Capture.
Paint with your body.
On the empty canvas of air.
The many colors of music to chose from.

As your brush moves,
let it inspire.
Create.
Revive.

Painting my dance.

Broken and Fixed

A wise person told my sister yesterday, "Everything breaks at some point." For some reason this little tidbit of information penetrated a lot deeper into my heart then I would have expected...
I have come to the intense realization that everything, even the body of Christ, was and will be broken at some point.
But even though everything breaks, not everything can be fixed.
It can be made new, but not fixed as with the original pieces.
This made me so sad for a few brief moments and then I realized something more profound.
Not everything is meant to be fixed.
That means you can enjoy the beauty of brokenness and renewal.
Or it means life holds nothing except brokenness.

The Window of Writing

No friends, no family, no air.
Just my paper and pen.
All I need.
God in me.

The words flow like pouring out water.
The lines of the letters all making straight sense.
Rhymes? Maybe.
Answers? Maybe.
Questions? From me to you.

Its always there.
Never not understanding.
The feelings and thoughts all in black on white.
Instead of jumbled over the space of brain and heart.
The pen gently kisses the script.

The meaning and passion given to me burn through the words.
The window into my soul has no blinds.
There is no door.
No one may enter.
Unless you can find the Window.
Then I will let you see.

Love scares me.
Hope is my lifeboat.
Trust is a magician, that always seems to disappear.
Faith. Unseen.
The window of writing shows me these things clearer than me.

Can you see it?

Her

There she stands.
Silently crying on the inside.
They hugged her.
Talked to her.
They're questions weren't the ones.
The hugs weren't long enough.

She is alone.

There she sits.
Contemplating death. How is that contemplated?
Her eyes are open, but her heart is closed.
She feels darkness.
She failed again.

She is such a dissapointment.

She knows God could never be proud of her.
She is ugly.
Imperfect.
A liar and tired.
Don't care for her, she isn't worth it.

She is worthless.

She talks too much.
She doesn't talk enough.
Her mind goes to another place and people get mad.
No one really gets her.
She is different.
She is crazy and weird.

She isn't understandable.

Who is she??
No one knows.
But a piece of her lives in each of us.
Only God will be with us when we are alone.
Only God knows her true worth, more then diamonds.
He is SO proud of His child.
He understands.
He created. He made her in His image.

She is loved.

Who could you be?

Can anybody tell me why this world can be so hateful? Any explanation why our generations so ungrateful? Can anybody out there tell wrong from right? Do you know when to sit and listen and when to stand up and fight? Can you learn that tonight? Today is the day to stop and think about it. All the lies you listen to what’s really legit?

 (Chorus) It doesn't matter anymore to be good or great it just matters where you fit in even if you have to lose to win. Never realizing your potential or passion for the greater good. This way we will never get far 'cause we will never know who we really are. Chorus end.

Nobody cares if they fail or fall 'cuz everywhere they look their told if they do it bad they can have it all. But money, lust, fame will never get you anywhere. In another thirty years will you care today about how you did your hair? You can't love everybody, but you have to try. You know what it’s like to feel alone and the want to cry. You're impatient, selfish and may often think Christianity's extreme, but if you step back and look at the world is that really what you mean? So little care about each other, who's out there comforting the grieving mother? The secrets, the lies, every little disguise never being who we are or could be. (Chorus) 

We are killing babies before they're born leaving a woman broken and torn. There's a family here who can't have a baby, couldn't the other one have been theirs, just maybe? We have food to feed the world, enough love to spread around. We need to help the broken and the lost get found, but first we have to find ourselves and look in the mirror God show us who we are. Maybe you'll find a one of a kind, a wise woman, a caring man, a boy with a world-saving plan. A daughter with a voice, a father who can make the right choice. Follow His plan, your safe in His hands. Be yourself don't try to be someone else. Take it from me 'cause I wasn't always able to be myself. God grants the light to see that I play the part of me better than anyone else. You can too, you’re so special that God took the time to hand make you.

Believe

(This was a song I wrote a while back. They are just words on a page because God has yet to bless me with someone to give them musical purpose. They have yet to know the joy of dance, but instead just the immense pleasure of being enjoyed. So enjoy!)

You feel so alone like no one is there. You feel so afraid and know that no one else cares. Does anybody listen, can anybody see? Does anybody know what’s going on inside of me? I feel like I have to hold everything up, can’t let anyone down. Why should I tell you what’s really going on? ‘Cause it just means my failures are coming back around. You have to be older then you are. You know better than to wish on those shooting stars. You ain’t getting anywhere doing what your doin’. Is it your life you’re trying to ruin? You long to smile, but have to cry, looking for love in another’s eyes.  But there’s one thing you haven’t tried. God loves you, is searching to find you, wherever you stand. When you know your drowning He’ll put your feet back on dry land. When you give all you’ve got and it’s still not enough. When you have to be strong and try to act tough

(chorus) you can always run to Him. There’s a time to end and to begin. He’ll hold you when you’re mad and angry, when you’re really worried and full of sorrow. He’s there to lift you up and give you a better tomorrow. (Chorus end)

 You’re hurt and wounded in your heart, a solider on their knees. You want to scream, but feel so weak you whisper, “Lord help me please.” You need a friend, a hand to hold, but you can’t trust when you always end up left and stone cold. Your heart’s been tossed around like a volleyball. Your highest goal is not to fall. Then you feel His hand lift you up, you’re higher than ever before! You’re kind of scared, until your spirit starts to soar! He’s a father when your dad’s not there, a friend until the very end, a dream that will never be a nightmare. He wants your life to re-begin. All of your hope and faith will never go to waste. It shows others that God will never leave, if only a believer would believe!

(Chorus)

Praise God!

Jeremiah 17:14

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;
save me, and I shall be saved,
for you are my praise.

 

Psalm 150:6

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!

 

The Musician's Song

An instrument cannot create its own music.
Instruments cannot remember the notes that have been played.
They have to be tuned before they can make soul touching song.
They will not produce sound without a soundmaker.
When they are first purchased they are new, pure, and beautiful.
After a while they become tainted, old, and used.
If they are taken care of and played often they don't have to be tuned so recurrently.
Their shape never changes, but the music inside of them can manifest itself in many ways.
One instrument can change a symphony, but will not sound as lovely on its own.
If it makes no music, it has no purpose

How much does this reflect Christians?

We cannot do anything for God unless the Holy Spirit makes our music.
Often, we don’t remember the things we said or did when we minister because it wasn’t us. It was the Spirit. We just remember the faint occurrence.
We must be tuned before we can be used.
We are just an empty container unless God’s love resounds through us.
When we except God’s blood purchase, we are washed clean of every impurity.
After time passes, we frequently forget our Musician.
If we allow His hands to care for us and use us for His grand symphony, we don’t have to be put through the flames to fit His mold so often.
We can allow many different sounds to flow out of who we are. We will always have the same body.
Our thoughts, emotions, Spirit, and speech will constantly change.
You can choose to produce Screamo or Classical. Notes to bring life or death.
God uses us as the body. We are not meant to be alone.

Unlike instruments, we have minds. So we can refuse to be played. 

It is not the shape of the instrument that matters.
Do you prefer the guitar to the piano because of its looks?
The soft strum or passionate cries of the pricked and stroked strings make the music more appealing to your ears.
Is the guitar meant to appease everyone?
There are piano people out there.
Does the guitar care? Does its purpose change?
No. You are not loved because of your looks. You were not bought because you are you.
You were bought because of the music God knew He could make with you.
Does everyone like you?
Probably not, but you have changed the lives of the ones that do.
Do not care, because you are His favorite. Your cares are cast upon Him.
Your purpose hasn’t changed because you don’t find yourself worthy.
He will still use you regardless of your desire to be played.
You will not enjoy His music if you refuse to listen.
There is a symphony we cannot understand,
But never question what He can make beautiful in His hands.

He writes His own music.
Every note is like a black spot of impurity on your white paper.
Alone it may sound too high, really sad, ugly, strange, alone.
But God plays them all together and there is nothing sweeter.
You are the Musician’s song.  

Good afternoon!

Actually, right now for me it is good morning! I can't believe how late I slept in today, but I am sure my body is resonating with "Thank you, thank you, thank yous!" I have thought on God a lot recently. He has done many praise worthy things, as He always does. I had the honor of talking with my Aunt Suzie the other day and the encouragment my Holy Spirit recieved is beyond description! We fiound we have a LOT of things in common as far as our passion for the callings God has on our lives. Only God knows how much I needed it. I am currently doing a "365 day Chronological Bible" study. It is AMAZING. Judges has my attentive attention right now. Joshua has died, and I have just finished reading about Deborah and Jael. It is SO beautiful. You should really go check out my friend's blog "Doors of Perception" for his overview of the Song of Deborah. It is SO beautiful and inspiring. Though the story itself is about Jael.  It is absolutely awesome watching God work in the old testament. He is the MIGHTY God. How the Isrealites turned away from Him OVER and OVER is incredible. They were the only people, the only country, that was privaliged to have God's constant attention and favor. I guess it isn't THAT incredible. We have something even bigger then the Isrealites had, we have the Holy Spirit inside of us. God called Moses His companion, friend, the one He trusted! What an honor!!!!! We can have that with God! Why is it we can't even spend ten minutes a day with Him?! Never cease in your prayers for a very lost people.... to a very seeking God. May you be blessed!   

You

Just like a butterfly, painted so uniquely, so has the Artist painted you.

The rainbow glistens the brightest after the storms and then we stretch even stronger across the dampened land.

Each of your colors are special too who you are. Not too many reds or blues, the purple and greens just perfect for who you are.

There are billions of stars that brightly shine, but your light is tinted just so and God knows you and we all see you as something, something special.

You may have fallen out of the sky like one of those stars, but you encouraged someone that watched you fall because you gave them a wish and that wish brought hope.

Like the moon, perhaps you’ve been hidden, but night will come and you will shine, reflecting Him.

I have no doubt that you are a creation that God didn’t make by mistake.

You may feel worthless like a piece of coal, but don’t be discouraged because your beauty lies within.

A diamond that shines through the dirt, bringing light to those who hurt.

God didn’t say “you were made in my image” so that you couldn’t be you.

He said I made you special because I have a purpose and plan that will prosper you!

Even as the water falls and the earth may tremble you will always know He is there.

Every word you say is written in His mind and it’s His relationship with you that makes you show His love, His love divine!

If causes our effects

If you think to hard your brain hurts.

If you bite your lips you bleed.

If you trip and fall you may break a bone.

If you’re talking you can't listen.

These things are all true, whether they apply more to others then some or not.

If you have an idea you may forget it.

If you touch a hot stove you will get burned.

If there is a wall you may run into it.

I know I do.

Why these things happen because of there causes I am not totally sure.

It would be very interesting though if when you touched a hot stove your brain hurt.

And if falling on a knife made you laugh.

If you cried after eating Doritos and had no choice but to sing after a nap.

If when you pressed enter your hair turned green, or when you dialed a phone it started to rain.

Certain things go together and some just do not.

Could it be the same with people?

Hey, it’s just a thought.

What if when we picked our nose someone's lawn was automatically mowed?

Or when we sprayed a bottle our carpets talked and mine said his name was Kevin?

I wonder why the causes and happenings are so firmly wired with their effects.

These are all just thoughts that I'm thinking about.

Normally this kind of thinking would cause me creeping doubt.

Today though I will change that effect on my day and chose to say,

I thought up a new thought that turned into a poem. Hip-hip-hurray!

Christianity Today

I was Google searching Christianity and one of the options was “Christianity today”.

I didn’t even want to click it because I was afraid of what it would say.

If I had to write something like that, I couldn’t say too much good about what we do.

We forget to encourage and we aren’t bringing hope. Your walk is for God, it’s not about you.

We don’t seem to care that these people don’t know God. They are going to Hell. Separation from our King.

There should be tears of horror because they won’t be able to dance for Him or hug His neck or for Him sing.

These things we can do for Him while we stay on earth, but they can’t unless they have Him in their hearts.

When this change occurs a fire starts to burn and a passion soon ensues. This is where their relationship starts.

I am drawn to the people’s ways and away from my God, but I fight it with a fury.

I want to be His evangelist to the people and make sure they are saved in a hurry.

Not so they can be saved and safe even though those things are good. I want them in my family.

I want them to KNOW peace, grace, love, mercy, forgiveness, repentance, and how to rejoice in the coming jubilee.

I praise you Lord for what you have done and the many things you have planned and the things you have yet to come.

Remind me constantly that I am your instrument and I only make music when played. Even when I am cold, let not my heart grow numb. 

I love you even more with every breath I breathe and every word I read about you.

Use me and guide me. In everything I say and everything I think, my Lord, show me what to do.

Let us please you and show us that everyday Christians are the same as the ones of old.

We have been given your strength. We have the power to love and be courageous, giving, and bold.

We will be Your light and salt and you shall guide us as we hide Your word in our hearts and not hide you, but let You brightly shine.

Thank you for saving our souls and forever becoming mine.

Forgotten Dance

The rain falls and rises. I have never been good at swimming and now I’m stuck in an ocean.

Every movement is robotic and meaningless. They are just habitual motions.

The rain has stopped feeling like kisses on my face, just nails driven into my numbed skin.

I stand under the lightening, fighting the storm of tornados within.

The clouds of gray and black and dark cover the heart I had inside.

I will not fall, even though I am wet, cold, and lost. How do I hide?

You can’t hide behind a cloud. To hide behind the fog just confuses your view.

The zombie of thunder comes up again and the tears become few.

When you are scared for so long of being struck and of being suddenly dead,

You stop asking why. Walk through the haze, not caring what’s been said.

Like the ice that pours from the sky, so is the coldness of my stare.

Not a smile or a glare. Just those eyes that tell you no one is really there.

The rain falls harder from left and then right.

The sound doesn’t drown out. I lose the sleep I had at night.

It used to wash me clean, it used to feel so new.

Then I saw the destruction it can really do.

Bring back my rain. Bring back my breeze. Nourish the roots again without the tearing wind.

The storms can’t live forever that’s not their nature. I will flow again, never bend.

I am dying inside, but will live again. The life will come as sure as the sun light.

God drenches and dries and holds and heals. He will make it right.

I will stand outside as I always have as the rain falls on my skin.

May the nails become kisses as I learn how to dance again. 

About face

What I write is pretty self-explanitory. It is either joyful, disheartening, or curious. I refuse to put my own explanations after posting my writing, unless questioned. I believe that poetry touches the soul of the reader when they find they can make it their own. I can write my feelings after losing a dog and a friend will be encouraged because that's how they feel after divorce. If you do want to inquire after what something means or why I have chosen to write what I have, feel free to message me. If you comment those questions I will also answer. 

Poetry

Writing is a giant part of who I am. Just like your face can define how people see you, even though you have so much more body then your face, so does my writing often define me. There will be a lot of posts that are pure poetry or lyrics. May you be inspired, uplifted, or understood.

"I want to believe tomorrow will come and live as though it won't." ~C.M.